Dancing Between Light and Shadow: Why Personal Growth Needs Both Positive Psychology and Shadow Work

“The sea is terrifying, especially from the perspective of the seashore, where land meets sea.”

— Old Journal Entry

I’ve journeyed through both realms—the uplifting world of positive psychology and the profound depths of shadow work. Self-help literature often leans heavily on positivity. It’s catchy, easy to digest, highly marketable, and undeniably vital. But I’ve witnessed a tendency among many to sidestep the darkness.

Hearts break regularly—it’s an unavoidable part of the soul’s path. Yet, we often hastily sweep the pieces under the rug, barking out positivity when, in truth, our hearts long to be seen in their brokenness, to be vulnerable, to exist in fragments for a while.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly.”

— The Beatles, Blackbird

Conversely, some of us dwell only in the shadows—the realm of pain, tears, and profound meaning. It’s the summons of the hero’s journey. Perhaps we secretly cling to loneliness and melancholy because they offer a strange comfort. But if the hero never feels the warmth of gratitude, never basks in the ease of light, only hears sorrowful melodies—the abyss may become too deep, too consuming.

I’ve come to understand a vital truth: we cannot remain in either place for too long. Like the greatest stories ever told, personal growth is a dance between light and shadow.

The Light: Embracing Positivity and Happiness

Positive psychology, emerging prominently in the 1990s, shifted the focus from merely treating mental illness to exploring human goodness, strengths, and the pursuit of flourishing. This movement has inspired much of the self-help industry and offers a comfortable starting point for many on their journey toward well-being.

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.”

— Mahatma Gandhi

Here, we delve into practices like gratitude, compassion, positive affirmations, and fostering empowering beliefs—techniques that often feel akin to personal coaching. These tools are essential for cultivating optimism and happiness.

But these concepts aren’t new. Ancient philosophers like Aristotle spoke of eudaimonia—the idea of flourishing or achieving the highest human good through virtue and the cultivation of personal strengths.

 The Bible offers of guidance  on well-being:

•Gratitude: “Give thanks in all circumstances.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18

•Positive Emotion: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” — Nehemiah 8:10

•Optimism: “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

•Resilience: “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials… because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” — James 1:2-4

•Love and Relationships: “Love each other as I have loved you.” — John 15:12

•Purpose and Meaning: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart… and He will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6

•Cultivating Strengths and Virtues: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance…” — Galatians 5:22-23

•Mindfulness and Peace: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast.” — Isaiah 26:3

•Empowerment and Agency: “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.”— 2 Timothy 1:7

•Generosity and Joy: “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” — Proverbs 11:25

•Hope: “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” — Psalm 30:5

These principles are foundational for anyone seeking a flourishing life. Moving forward requires looking ahead with optimism—a truth grounded in both science and faith.

Yet, as I can personally attest, this is not the whole picture. While these practices propelled me forward, I eventually hit a ceiling. Negative thoughts, difficult emotions, and unhelpful behaviors swung back—sometimes harder than before. Despite the best intentions, self-sabotage, superficial growth, and toxic positivity can creep in. The light is vital, but it doesn’t tell the full story of our journey.

The Dark: Embracing the Shadow

Ignore this at your peril. I see it all the time—the unaddressed pain, guilt, shame, anger, and forgotten traumas.

It takes immense energy to keep these shadows buried, yet we often do just that. No amount of positive affirmations, visualization, or forced gratitude can release deep-seated trauma. While positivity can create a supportive environment, it’s not the cure. The unresolved issues remain, waiting to resurface.

“What is to give light must endure burning.”

— Victor Frankl

The Bible and the Shadow Side of Growth

Surprisingly, the Bible delves into this shadow work more than one might expect:

• Acknowledge the Shadow: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” —Jeremiah 17:9
• Embrace the Inner Struggle: “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” —Romans 7:19
• Self-Examination: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” —Psalm 139:23
• Embrace Weakness: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” —2 Corinthians 12:9
• Seek Healing: “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” —Isaiah 61:1
• Connect with the Inner Child: “Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” —Matthew 18:3
• Confront Inner Darkness: “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” —Ephesians 5:11
• Process Negative Emotions: “In your anger do not sin.” —Ephesians 4:26
• Bring Darkness to Light: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” —John 1:5
• Embrace All Parts of Yourself: “When you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind.” —Luke 14:13

The Necessary Work

This is the work we most avoid—the feelings we hate, the voids we pretend aren’t there.

The elephant in the room must be acknowledged. The muscle knot needs to be found and gently worked through. The trauma requires recognition to facilitate release. The black hole around which depression orbits must be identified and addressed.

Transformation begins when we stop running and turn to face our shadows—our pain, shame, and fear. Only then can we reclaim the energy spent on suppression and redirect it toward wholeness.

Embracing Both Light and Dark

Light and dark are not synonymous with good and bad—they are complementary forces. Light is visible because it’s in the open; darkness exists where light hasn’t yet reached.

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”

— Psalm 139:11-12 (NIV)

The Duality of Opposites

The concept of Yin and Yang, though originating from Daoism, reflects a universal truth about the polarity of opposites.

We observe this duality everywhere:

•Nature: Day and night, seasons, the ebb and flow of tides.

•Physics: Matter and antimatter, electrons and protons.

•Human Experience: Joy and sorrow, activity and rest, speaking and listening.

•Biology: Sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.

•Relationships: Giving and receiving, independence and dependence.

Working With the Duality of the Psyche

“Lights go out and I can’t be saved / Tides that I tried to swim against.”

— Coldplay, Clocks

To grow authentically, we must submit to this duality. In His infinite wisdom, God works through both the storm and the stillness, the tearing down and the rebuilding. By embracing this rhythm, we move in harmony with our soul’s natural cadence, trusting that both valleys and peaks are essential on the journey to becoming our most authentic selves.

The Reality of Healing

No matter how many positive affirmations we recite, how much we visualize success, or how often we express forced gratitude, unresolved trauma remains until it’s acknowledged and processed.

Positivity can provide a safe space to hold our pain, but it isn’t the cure. Facing our pain may be overwhelming, but it’s the gateway to true transformation. Only by confronting and embracing our whole selves—the light and the shadow—can we release what no longer serves us and step into genuine freedom.

Embrace the Dance

Personal growth isn’t about choosing between light and shadow but about embracing both. It’s in the interplay of these forces that we find depth, resilience, and authenticity. So, let’s dance between light and shadow, unafraid, and allow ourselves to become whole.