Is the Person I Am Worth Being? Finding Value in God’s Word and Humanistic Psychology
You might know a bit about the infinite well of love found within God. You might also know a thing or two about psychology. These two domains tell us a lot about the existence created for us and around us—they inform us about ourselves and what life is all about.
Humanistic philosophy is a commendable attempt at adopting a godly perspective of ourselves and others, even without explicitly invoking God. It emerges from Existentialism, which circles around the profound questions: “What are we, and what are we doing here?” While Theism often provides a direct answer, humanistic psychology explores these questions through the lens of human experience.
One of the leading figures in humanistic psychology and psychotherapy is Carl Rogers. He’s responsible for giving us a major therapeutic modality: Person Centered. Interestingly, Rogers was brought up as a Christian but left his faith behind to pursue what he thought was more meaningful. In the end, he discovered a godly way of relating to ourselves and others.
Rogers developed his theories in the 1960s, a time when psychology was dominated by the strange world of psychoanalysis and the cold mechanics of behaviorism. He learned all of that but began to peer into the direct experiences of his clients and himself. Through this exploration, he developed a very hands-off approach to psychotherapy that enabled clients to move comfortably toward their real selves.
Out of all this, Rogers pioneered the three core conditions for therapeutic change:
- Empathy
- Unconditional Positive Regard
- Congruence
I learned these concepts from day one in my therapeutic training. So important are they to psychotherapy that they aren’t even considered a modality but the core conditions present in all modalities.
Let’s set aside psychological jargon and see these core conditions as the basis for any positive movement toward internal well-being you might want for yourself or others. This simple formula tells us what we need in our lives to feel okay and to reach a place where we feel good about ourselves.
Empathy
I believe we don’t need to learn empathy as much as we need to remove the blockages that make empathy a problem. It’s about being open to another person’s experience, feeling it, and responding—nothing technical. Empathy is more about unlearning what it isn’t.
Empathy isn’t sympathy, and it’s not pity. It’s not merely affirming someone. It isn’t coddling or just validating. It’s the capacity to feel and understand. It’s simply being there and holding someone’s whole experience at that moment. You hold it, and then you show it. You dive into their feelings. You listen. You really listen with your whole being.
“In the first place, as he finds someone else listening acceptantly to his feelings, he little by little becomes able to listen to himself.”
—Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person
The Bible echoes this sentiment:
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
—Psalm 34:17-18 (NIV)
God hears—not with ears, but with His being. The Hebrew word שָׁמַע (shama) basically means to hear attentively. He is close to the brokenhearted. When you feel like your soul is shattered and smashed, or you’ve engaged in self-destructive behavior, God is close to the לֵב (lev)—the heart. He’s not interested in your fanfare or your image but in your inner person—your soul, your shadow. No matter the darkness you contain, He wants to experience all of you.
As Brené Brown puts it:
“Empathy is simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’”
This is exactly Rogers’ approach to empathy.
Unconditional Positive Regard
It’s a mouthful, but expressing this kind of positivity is solid and immovable—like the perfect, unflappable parent. It’s a calm, abiding place for the fearful and distressed. It means that whatever happens, whoever you turn out to be, I think highly of you. I believe your journey isn’t over, that you have time to sort yourself out, that you’re heading in the right direction, and that you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got. You’re trying, and that makes you good enough.
“By acceptance I mean a warm regard for him as a person of unconditional self-worth—of value no matter what his condition, his behavior, or his feelings.”
—Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person
Being judgmental is the very opposite of this quality. Judging increases the gap between people, inflating the ego and reinforcing the need for a false self.
Consider the parable of the prodigal son:
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”
—Luke 15:20 (NLT)
The son left home with his inheritance and wasted every penny. He fell a long way down, dragging his family’s name through the mud. A son like that—given everything, took everything—a train wreck on purpose. But look at the father’s reaction when the son comes home. The father was filled with love. No judgment. Not bothered by anything else. It sounds like someone in trouble going to therapy. It sounds like a little child thinking the world has ended but just needing love. It sounds like heaven.
As Søren Kierkegaard beautifully said:
“I am convinced that God is love; this thought has for me a pristine lyrical validity.”
—Søren Kierkegaard, Fear and Trembling
Congruence
You need to be REAL. Authentic. You can’t pretend to be the perfect, calm, abiding space—you need to be it. That’s right. The secret is to be the real you, to look into yourself clearly, and not hide.
“In my relationships with persons I have found that it does not help, in the long run, to act as though I were something that I am not.”
—Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person
Authenticity is a hard nut to crack. It’s a slow-moving process. You gradually build on anything you see in yourself that feels real in some way. If you keep building and find it wasn’t as real as you thought, you adjust and continue.
Stephen Cope captures this journey:
“The outward polish has long since been worn off, but the inward glow of truth is real and abiding.”
—Stephen Cope, Yoga and the Quest for the True Self
The Psalmist writes:
“Surely You desire truth in the inmost being; You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.”
—Psalm 51:6 (BSB)
The Hebrew word for truth here is אֶמֶת (emet)—coming from a root meaning “to support,” perhaps alluding to a foundational quality deep down at the bottom. And it’s not just the heart but the secret heart. The Hebrew word סָתַם (satam) describes something hidden, closed off, and out of view.
Truth comes in many layers, but the deep truth of the inner person—the real you—is a valued treasure. I’m convinced much of our restlessness exists because we don’t feel the real inside, so we try to look outside.
As Michael Singer points out:
“Remember, if we are seeking the root of ‘self,’ what we are actually seeking is you.”
—Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul
That’s what needs to be brought to light because that is the foundation of your authenticity—your congruence.
Developing These Qualities in Yourself
Early on in my training, I discovered that to show these qualities, I needed to cultivate them within myself.
“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
—Matthew 7:5 (NIV)
I needed to learn to listen to myself (empathy), accept myself (unconditional positive regard), and find myself (congruence).
Kapil Gupta wisely advises:
“The greatest thing that you can give to the world is peace in your very own life.”
—Atmamun: The Path to Achieving the Bliss of the Himalayan Swamis and the Freedom of a Living God
It’s a long road but worth every second and every effort.
Chip away. You’ll make progress some days, and some days will be a washout. But never give up on the quest to become a grounded human being.
The End Goal
If there is one, it can be summed up by Rogers himself:
“Sometimes I catch myself feeling that perhaps the person I am is worth being, whatever that means.”
—Carl Rogers
Because deep down, you feel the sense that you are inherently valuable. You feel the three core conditions from God (or existence, the universe, the universal order—whatever that is for you!) of empathy, unconditional positive regard, and congruence. Cultivate these yourself or feel them from God. It’s affirmed in another profound ancient song, something worth etching on our hearts:
Psycheverse:
“I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well.”
—Psalm 139:14 (CSB)
